Book Babblings

Finger Lickin' Fifteen by Janet Evanovich 

The Nitty Gritty: Stephanie Plum is up to her elbows in cleaver wielding murders, wanger waving skips, and stick bbq sauce in her 15th installment.

After Lula witnesses the murder of a celebrity chef her life is in danger. Plum to the rescue. Between working her actual job as a bond enforcement agent, being Lula's body guard and helping Ranger with his little security problem Plum is in need of a hunk of birthday cake in the worst way.

Opening Line: "When I was a kid, I was afraid of spiders and vegetables."

The Good: Ranger's flirtatious nature gives me heart palpitations in the worst way. I might not be so bad if I had a husband, but since I'm single a girl has to get her kicks somehow right?

Grandma Mazur is without a doubt the coolest woman over the age of 75. She is grabbing life by the balls and refusing to let go. She isn't afraid to put herself out there to simple test the waters. Even when crazed maniacs stab her in the middle of broad daylight she manages to keep her wits enough to wonder if she can show off her wound at the funeral home for her 15 minutes of fame. Whereas Stephanie panics when the 7-11 is out of Snickers.

I actually like Joe Morelli. Here is a man that makes no apologies for the man that he is. He is an Italian stallions that likes his meatball subs, beer, and sex. Sometimes not that in that order either. He doesn't let Stephanie push him around to get her way. He doesn't change to make her happy. I like that.

The Bad: Wow, we are at book 15 people. Book 15. And Plum is still the exact same person she was on One for The Money. Nothing has changed for her, nothing has improved. I mean I can now read the jacket on each book and predict the ending without reading a single word.

Stephanie will find a dead body or one will be dropped off at her apartment. I mean everyone break into her apartment right. Then there will be some cursing a shooting by Lula. Copious amounts of chicken from Cluck in a Bucket, some laughable apprehension scenes, sexual tension with Ranger, sex with Morelli, mounds of poo from Bob and miraculously Stephanie will somehow save the day.

This woman defies logic. She eats at least four cakes per book, buckets and buckets of chicken, lamb, ham, fries, cokes, tastykakes, peanut butter and olive sandwiches, and doesn't gain a pound. I mean I am impressed.

Whereas Lula, the lovable comic relief seems to get bigger as the series progresses. Yet she eats the same amount of food Stephanie does. In fact in this book Plum has the gaul to suggest that Lula goes on a diet. As if Stephanie is the healthiest person in the world.

I mean I don't know about anyone else but I am sick of Stephanie's life. She doesn't have any marketable skill set. She can't cook, she can't clean, she works in a job that requires her to carry a gun and in fact she has been in situations that could have been avoidable is she had bee carrying yet she keeps her gun in a cookie jar as if that makes it acceptable.

We are at book 15 and she is still mystified at the fact that she sucks at her job. I don't understand why she keeps letting her skips out of her sight to use the bathroom, or lock up the house, or check the thermostat. We all know what's going to happen yet Stephanie falls for the same trick over and over again. I'm starting to think Rex is the smart one in that relationship. At least he doesn't pretend that he's not running on his wheel.

Speaking of Rex he is the hamster that just won't die. The average lifespan for a hamster is 3 years on a good day. Rex was alive before the series started. Wherever she got that hamster they need to give us the secret to eternal life.

Stephanie is afraid of everything. Yet she does nothing to overcome that fear. She keeps walking into the same traps, the same bad situations, over and over again. I could set my menstrual cycle by it.

And I am getting sick of her and the triangle sex, maybe its love thing. I could see this from an 18, but Plum is well over 30. There has to come a point in your life when you grow the hell up and put on your big girl panties. Ranger does not want to date her, he does not want to marry her he has made the clear time and time again yet Plum is still struggling with her attraction to him. Yes he is gorgeous and a wonderful lay, but that's as far as anything goes with Ranger and Plum has said that she wants more. However when presented with more with Morelli she balks.

She wants to keep her apartment. I've seen cell blocks with more personality than her place. Its constantly getting broken into, dead bodies dropped off, crazed killers on the fire escape yet she wants to keep it. Morelli wants more with her but she wants to keep playing these games.

If I were Morelli and Ranger I would tell her to go eat a birthday cake and then take a flying leap into the Hudson. Both of them deserve more.

Final Thoughts: I just can't keep going with this series. Jackass 3D had more character development than this series.