Book Babblings

Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton

The Nitty Gritty: Someone is killing off the vampires in St. Louis. Which usually isn't a bad thing except vampires have rights and its starting to piss them off. It falls to the Executioner by night, animator to pay the bills, Anita Blake to investigate.

Not because she wants to, but because psycho master vampire Nichlaos has threaten to drain her nice and slow if she doesn't.  If that weren't bad enough but Jean-Claude has given her two vampires marks and that is messing with her animator mojo.

Opening Line: "Willie McCoy had been a jerk before he died."

What's the 411: Everyone who is anyone has been telling me to read these books. I've been reluctant, not because I don't like vampires I do, but Twilight sort of killed vampires for me. I've been putting off a few of the other vampire series I've been meaning to get into because of that. However I finally broke down and bought Guilty Pleasures at Barnes & Noble. Along with Ender's Game and a Perfect Blood. Anita Blake is the crown jewel in the Hamilton kingdom and the premis is excellent and fresh. Which the vampire world could use a little more of. Although it makes very little sense. Why would a person who animates dead bodies for a living start staking vampires? Good question, let's jump into the book and see if we can find the answer. Oops sorry Anita's only reason is. "because." I'm sorry girlfriend, that's not good enough for me to keep reading about you. There's not childhood vampire drama to contend with. No vampire virus coursing through her veins forcing her the kill the creatures that infected her to drink the blood of her loved ones.

It didn't take long for me to read it, but I felt like I had to struggle through the entire book. One minute Anita was sitting at a club the next minute she was trying to battle the mind control of a vampire who wanted to suck Anita's face.

I felt like I was missing some key piece of information along the way or something. which is crazy because this is the first book in the series! Sure as writers its always advisable to start a book or a scene in the middle of the action, which is well and good but only if you can pull it off. Hamilton did just that but she didn't give us any background to help us understand what the frack was going on.

We were thrown to the lions without so much as a 'hi how are ya.' I need a frame of references here or something. No I don't need a George R.R. Martin index (which is sort of handy when you think about it) but a little background would be nice. I mean we get a snippet when Anita comes face to face with a vampire she was sure she burned to ashes with holy water, but that's about it. No rundown of the scars that riddle her body, especially the cross shaped one that seems to match the one that Jean-Claude has. If ever there was a time for Anita to be overly descriptive it was about that scar! Give me something girl, well other than clothes. To which she seems overly obsessed with. If I didn't know any better I would say Anita needed to go the Devil about some Prada but I guess animators take themselves too seriously to care that stripes clash with polka dots.

And why in the hell are they torturing zombies?! I mean this where we get the horror aspect from? Because I have to say I feel sorry for the zombies and I've a lock and loaded double barrel shotgun in my closet just in case of a zombie outbreak. Zachary, who is dead but not a zombie (never really know what he is) is the one killing vampires to full his little juju doll, but why is he raising zombies and torturing them? That is never explained and I'm left scared and confused.

The Good: Edward has got to be my favorite character. He was the one thing that made sense. He liked killing things because one he was good at it and two he is completely crazy as hell. He was straight forward, black and white. All of his cards were on the table. I hate to admit but I wanted him to torture Anita a little bit. I just wanted her to shut up for a few chapters, but of course that never happened. One can only hope right? There is a reason to his madness and he stays true to himself.

The Bad: I don't like Anita. Being in her head is like drinking the Kool-Aid at the Jim Jones compound. A bad idea and certainly bad for your health. Anita acts like a spoiled child most of the time and a heartless wench the rest. Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying there is only one way to write a female character, but Anita is just one dimensional to me. There isn't any growth in this book. She is scared out of her mind of vampires yet she is the of nightmares for vampires? I don't get that. Anita makes a point of describing in great detail how scared she is of vampires and what they can do but yet she is a vampire hunter. She isn't a 'go into the zone to kill' sort of person. So how is that she is able to but aside her fear and turn into this Buffyesque vampire hunter. Though I am sure Buffy never would have gotten a hard on for a gun. She had Angel to help her with that.

Take me for example. When I'm scared of something I keep away from it I don't make it my business to start kicking butt and taking names. I'm missing something here.

Anita tries to throw off her fear by being a smartass but it just comes off as a petulant child not getting their lollipop after a shot at the doctor. I mean I could be a tad bias because I am a Harry Dresden fan and no one can do smartass like Dresden. Even when he is scared out of his mind. When you can call the bat crazy Lady of Winter 'spangle crotch' with a straight face you are the King of Smartassray. All should make a pilgrimage to sit at your feet and learn. So Anita needs to go get a clue from Harry when she is chained to a wall and a wererat wants to screw her brains out.

Which is utterly gross by the way Hamilton.

I could have lived the rest of my life without that little literary nugget of joy.

And what the hell is going on with Anita and Jean-Claude? He just pops up at the strip club and wham there is this whole history between the two of them to which Anita never elaborates on. Though we get an entire page of a freaking shirt with sleeves long enough to hide a knife. Priorities Anita! Gah! I can see why several people were trying to kill her.

Anita's contempt for other women is so stereotypical that is makes me want to gag. Knowing that nothing good is going to come from going into a vampire strip club, she allows Monica to lead them down the tunnel of dark desires just so she can threatened a woman who didn't have a chance to beating up Anita on a good day. Way to go girl. You scared the equivalent of a fruit fly and you are strutting about like cock of the walk?

Puhlease.

My Final Thoughts: Don't really think I'm going to be reading the rest of this series. If the first book is bad the rest is worse. And from what I hear the series deteriorated somewhere around the tenth book anyways.

Book Babblings

Alice in Zombieland by Gena Showalter 

The Nitty Gritty: This is a mighty big hole Alice has tumbled into. After a horrible crash that claims the life of her entire family, little Ali realizes that her crazy alcoholic father, may not have been as crazy as she thought.

Those monters he raged about, are real and they are coming for her.

If Alice has any hope of surviving the new reality she finds herself in she has to learn to trust Cole Holland. The bruised and battered sex god that glowers at her from across the hallway. Not only does Alice had to learn how to navigate a new high school she finds herself in the crosshairs of high drama. High school. steamy kisses, and zombies oh my.

Opening Line: "Please, Alice. Please."

What's the 411: I was sort of dreading reading this book. The title and the book cover caught my eye. Usually I'm not moved by ditzy looking white girls sitting in a field of black, but couple that with Zomebieland and I'm hooked. I'm a sucker for a good zombie read.

The first few pages started off sort of slow. I was in danger of getting bored and shelving the book to come back when I needed to be distracted from an impending root canal or mammogram. Sure Emma was more entertaining than Alice and that keep me coming back for me. However the action slapped me in the face pretty quickly and I have to admit I find violence kinda hot. No seriously I like for the action to get going pretty quickly. I mean I don't have all day to invest in a bad book. So I like to know right off if I am going to like a book or not, and I usually figure that out within the first couple of pages. I know some people give a bad book 100 pages, but honestly life is too short to waste on bad literature.

The action when it happened moved at a fast clip, but the scenes between the action slowed down the pace of the book instead of enhancing it. A zombie book that promises zombies in the title should have at least 60% zombies and 40% filler fluff. Now I know this is the first novel in a series and Showalter needs to lay a foundation for the characters and the plotlines to come, but I just wished there had been a bit more zombie carnage and battles.

I do believe that this book title was a misnomer. Wonderland was an unforgettable place filled with some of the most fantastic and beloved characters in literature. To invoke those feelings in readers with your title and then not deliver on that promise is a punch to the gut. The only thing that hinted at a Wonderland connection was the chapter titles, Alice's name and rabbit shaped clouds. I'm sorry but that just isn't enough for me. You can't reclaim one of my favorite books as inspiration and then dropped the ball.

The Good: Actually Alice was one of the more delightful teenage narrators that I've read in a good while. To be sure she wasn't an adult in a 17 year olds body doing and saying impossible things for a teenager. yes I am talking about Hermione Granger. Yes it was possible for her to be intelligent, but for an eleven year old she just had too much insight into human nature for me to like her, and I never did to be honest. *whew* There I said it. That is a load off my mind. Alice was happily still a teen but she was being thrust into a very adult world and she bucked when she could but she stepped up to the plate right and properly.

Thankfully Alice didn't suffer from low self esteem like all the recent teen heroines. I don't know when that became a trend and I'm not sure who started it but they should be tired to a stake and horsewhipped at high noon in front of a roaring crowd and a man selling hot meat and mulled wine.

The Bad: I pride myself on being a true Zombie connoisseur and like Twilight Alice sort of pissed me off. I have a fixed idea about what zombies should and shouldn't be, not that something new wouldn't pique my interest, but it just has to make sense for me. I'm not sure if I'm buying Alice's zombies. Just yet. Maybe Through the Zombie Glass will convince me that these zombies deserve mention in my Zombie Preparation Plan.

Dr. Wright. Her development just wasn't there. From where she was at the beginning to where she ended up just didn't make a lot of sense. There wasn't any bread crumbs leading up to her revel. It just sort of happened and we are left with Alice worthy questions and that just infuriates me. Just enough to get me to the next book to see if my questions are answered. Though if I'm strung along much further I might have to walk away. I don't like authors who without hold information for the sake of keeping me entertained for another book. Write a good story with awesome characters and you have my attention and my money.

My Final Say: Curl up with this book on Sunday night after the Talking Dead. It will help your work through your feelings for the Governor (the dirty rotten bastard) and if will keep your need for zombies sated till next Sunday night.